This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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