I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
