I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
