Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
