I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
