White coat. Heels.
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
