Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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