Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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