Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
