i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize