New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
