if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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