a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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