Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
