I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
