Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize