Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
