my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
