But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
