I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
