I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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