I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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