So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize