There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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