she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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