He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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