Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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