Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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