I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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