last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize