actually, I'm a sock model
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
