First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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