my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
