i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
a search helicopter?!
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
