I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
