Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
