Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
