My first STD was from a foam party
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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