I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
