just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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