she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish i was in the wii world.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
