i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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