Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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