Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
