Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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