Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
