I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize