I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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