You're my little dorito
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
