The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
