Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
