So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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