In the future we'll all be gay
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
