He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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