Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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