dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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