I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
