Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
