my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I take back everything I said about communal showers
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
