we're blogging at a bar
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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