About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize