You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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