Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
