I wish I could teleport
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
