Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
They took my balls.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
