You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
